Hi All You Peeps…
2 years…2 YEARS!! I has taken me two years to finally update my website…!!
And now it is complete.
Perhaps i will make it more interactive and personal, and include my portfolio of work i have completed since being at ILT, and add things like a google search, and links to Facebook for all the fun that will give!! LOL
Let me know PEEPS
Love ya,
Fucko the Clown
Police are investigating a crash in which a £30,000 SUV ended up parked on top of two other cars, one of them a Porsche sports car worth up to £45,000.
It happened at about 1700 BST in the car park of the Co-Op supermarket on Belfast’s Lisburn Road.
The vehicle, an automatic Lexus, drove over the Porsche and a Toyota Celica, which were parked directly in front.
The Porsche Boxster was damaged on its wing and bonnet, while the Toyota Celica was crushed.
One person, believed to be the Porsche driver, was taken to hospital.
His injuries are not believed to be life-threatening.
The BBC spoke to the driver of the Toyota, but he said he was “not in the mood to give interviews”.
I bet he fucking wasn’t! It’s this kind of shit that makes FUCKO THE CLOWN look almost normal.
In my mind i think i did…
I fucking hate it when you get that. The whole: “Did i leave the gas on”, “Did i forget my car keys”, “Did i forget the kids at the pub?”, Or my fav “Did i really go to Amsterdam on Flight 67 from Heathrow and blow my months salary on Carla Von Bouncy at the Chicken Strip joint on Geronemo Street, and did she really do that thing with the legs and the hand and the…”
Fucking hate it
Hey, hey folks. Get a load of this. Im fucking senile. I have no recollection of where the last 6 months went from the last post to this post. I wish i could say “Oh, there is so much to catch up on” but there isnt.
Still working at the same place, got a different car (so no change there then, i have a new one all the time), still living in the same cruddy shit infested small flat that would probably fetch £80,000 on the open market, still guzzling my way through beer, and booze and still FUCKO THE CLOWN.
Recapturing the same spirit and verve i had so very long ago is like trying to wank no handed.
“I cannot see how i am meant to fucking perform for you spasticated lemmings anymore” (he says to the world like a fucking senile)
I guess it is easier when i am angry. I usually am a right fucking twat most of the time. I mean the problem is i guess i have learned to hate things so much that they are all just fucking normal.
And what the fuck is going on in the world and the news! I usually can rely on something fucking dumbarsed to come from the BBC news website; something i can slag off, shout at, and generally be pissed off with, like a dude hitting a waterbuffalo, or something…
But the fucking best i could find was this shit arsed story:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7397867.stm
A car driver in Australia has been fined for strapping down his beer rather than his young child.
They said the 30-can pack of beer was strapped down between two adults in the back, with the five-year-old child unrestrained on the floor.
The driver was handed a fine of A$750 (US$709; £362).
Thing is, i actually dig this guy. Clearly he is a man with his head screwed on! I mean who amongst us, wouldnt do the very fucking same the minute the wife buggers off into primark leaving you, the kid, your 24 pack and a seatbelt? Its a no-brainer!
Fucking hell. Cyclones in Burma, Earthquake in China, some more dead in AFrica. Something like 120,000 people wiped off this earth this week alone. 120,000. If i have a pound for every time…but you see my fucking point dont you? No? Fuck you then…fine i will tell you, but just this once, you twat (seriously, you’re a twat Ed…Seriously…nah, you’re okay…for a twat.). HERE IS MY FUCKING POINT:
Dear Sir / Madam, I’ve lost my mind,
If you can find it in your fucking cheapskate wank stained hearts to give me a fuckiong reason for the crazy shit in the world without blithering about religion or the Islamics, or the fucking Nigerians and their oil…
Wait….OIL!! WANKERS!! Thats pissing me off. Those fucking apes in government rape us for the tax, claiming it doesnt raise above inflation, but they still make a ton of cash. The con gets bigger the higher the oil goes. Its a fucking con it is!
Nigerian in Nigeria kidnaps Sid, the Brit working on getting oil. Price of barrel of oil jumps to another high cos OPEC like to rig the prices by whipping up problems with supplies, despite a fucking surplus in the fucking world. Suddendly, you can see the price of fuel go up £112.9, £119.9, now £120.9, and at a local garage £127.9!!!!! Fucking cunts! Oil guzzling twats. Every week it higher! I cannot afford to drive much now! I do 30,000 miles a year and it cheaper to get twated in the club for a whole night then it is to drive to work for a whole fucking day!
Yeah, so my point is FUCK YOU MR BROWN, MR PINK, MR BLUE and all YOU! CUNTS! FUCK YOU!
Yours with regards,
FUCKO THE CLOWN
Arghghghghghghhghgghghghhghgh
It was a cold and unassuming day back in February, when Northampton Old Scouts RFC 3rd XV’s stood out near Coventry to play England…
Yes, England. England Deaf Rugby Squad. The occasion? They wanted a warm up to their 6 nations opener against Wales the following week.
Little did we know, that we 12 (yes 12, not 15!! we had no numbers that day!!) would re-write history. We would sap the English before the main attraction…
4x 20 minute quaters, and one hell of a bloodstained shirt, and NOSRFC walked off heros, even if a little battered, and very tired. 50-0 loss. Not our worst loss of the season either, but a loss none the less.
We clearly hammered them as the following week they lost heavily 80 odd points to not a lot!! Wales had their opening victory, courtesy of a sapping game the week before by NOSRFC!!
And how does a flag come into this? I had a flag towel which i took to the big game. It was stoeln by persons unknown, and its exact position has been tracked by NOSRFC members…
Spain, Portugal, Irag and now i believe Afganistan, where a bullet hole now marks the dragons head….Bastard English!! Bitter old sods aint they!!
And the partty?? Who says we ever stopped!! What self respecting welshman deosnt party every night to the national anthem, whilst necking a bottle of SA Brains, and wearing the jersey with pride!!
You will respect my authoritaaaaaaay.
I totally had a good birthday yesterday, and thanks to those who remembered etc etc, love ya all.
Only i had the shits this morning as i decided that Indian takeaway should be the order of the day, and desipte knowing it plays me up for days to come, i just had to do it. I still have leftovers, and even though im going to a festival this weekend, i must eat it…be on the portaloos all weekend at this rate!! yeah!!
im going to fuck off back to work now…!!
Firefighters cut a 19-year-old man free from his car after it crashed into a water buffalo in south Cumbria.
The Fiat Punto hit the large animal on the A590, near Dalton-in-Furness, on Monday night.
Police said the privately-owned buffalo, known locally as William Shakespeare, died at the scene. It had escaped from a nearby field.
The driver, from Barrow, was taken to Furness General Hospital and treated for minor injuries.
Two other cars, a Ford Focus and a Nissan Micra, collided after swerving to avoid the buffalo and the Fiat.
The above typifies what is wrong with Britain today more so than any story on world affairs, education or politics. This shows why we are is such a mess. It’s subtle, it’s simple, but it’s effective.
Its more subliminal than in your face, and the message is:
“We’re all water-buffallo-hitting-dumb-shit-fucking morons. We are driving American, Italian and Japanese cars, all made in Poland, into African animals, brought over to the UK, and all of this, all of it, happening in Cumbria…why?? Because we’re all water-buffallo-hitting-dumb-shit-fucking morons.”
It’s big, and looks like a water buffallo…hmmm avoid it. Twat.
What a title eh?? Got you interested?? No?? Confused?? Fuck you then… and you Silent John, you fucking twat. Warts and all, you are a real piece of shit…
I dont actually know anyone called Silent John, and if i did, it is unlikely he would be able to piss me off very much as he is silent, just how i like things. I like to play Madden ‘08 (Thanks Ed, niiiiiiice) and drink beer, and eat shit food, that will kill me when i’m 35, all without any noise…shhhhhh. Silence. Just like when i am listening to my music louder than i should given it will impede my hearing when im 35, everyone else should…you’ve guessed it…shhhhhh. Silence.
And why is this…Because when 95% of people open their mouth it is to make noise that is harshing my vibe, and all that crap. Can you feel this rant yet?? Is it brewing enough…Here it comes….
I dont need to know how shitty your day is, or how needy you feel, or how “I wanna hug”, I DONT want to hear about other peoples sex lives, or distinct lack thereof, nor do i really actually give a shit about your football team, or favourite pizza. I DONT care how much you weight, i wont say how big your bum is, i dont wanna know if you are on that time of the month, and i dont need to know that you chaff at festivals (Ed) especially when you dance like a fool. Sew your pockets up for Gods sake man…I also DONT care what time it is, or what the weather is like, if i did i wouldnt ask you, or rely upon the information imparted unto me from you, or anyone else, as it is likely just speculative bullshit and i’d have more chance of having a nice day, if you stopped bleating on about the shitty weather. i dont want to be annoyed by people. I dont care if you drive a shit car, or want to hear about it when it craps out on you, i dont want to hear how you think my car is nice, or hear when you think my car is not so good cos its a diesel. I DONT wanna be pissed off by nagging, or moaning (unless in sex) and i DONT want to be told how bored you are, how lonely you are, or where you are , or where you want to be, or who you want to look like (unless you can be specific about breasts…). I DONT want to discuss the realities of life, or the fragility of man, or the desperation of the Third World, or the Capitilisation of the rest of the world, or the global impact on the red beaked penguin from the dumping of illegal toxic waste in Argentina. I DONT care about science, or give a shit about Religion, or want to hear about the worlds shit. I dont need to hear you at all. I Dont. Really, this is only ever acheived by…Yes, yes, you know it. Silence…Shhhh. Silence.
I am fucking FUCKO THE CLOWN. I have to be. I must be. For the way i get shit thrown at me, i must be. Either that or i am some unlucky turd magnet in the monkey cage of life with all the little bastard monkeys throwing their sticky ones right in my mouth…
And why am i so ranty?? The answer is Tic Tacs…Yes, yes, fucking Tic Tacs. You fucking cunts, its the Tic Tacs that are the shit that life is throwing at me, and my god this is fucked up. I am offically FUCKO THE CLOWN apparently. I am because my Tic Tac’s said. And i dont mean in a stupid metaphysical Tic Tacs actually threw shit, or are shit, or smell like shit, but their effects on me are…That is just the point here n00bies, the very crux of the arguement, here people…
Confused?? Fuck you then…No seriously, they suck. They are so yummy, and so nice, and only 16 calories per fucking tic tac, but that is just a con. That is just the work of Satan, or the US food adminstration authority, or the Food Standards Agency or someone (all the same thing if you ask me, but fucking hell, no one ever asks me…).
The con is that for all their yumminess, they cause gripes in such a bastard way. True i just ate a whole packet, and true i am a moron for doing so in one go, but that aint the fucking rant. The point is that those bastard “little lifts” are not refreshing, but full of eat kicks that make you wanna shit for Britain at the next Olympics as part of some weird dodgy triatholon, shit, piss, and vomit…Bonus for blood, and the Gold medal for the guy who eats all the Tic Tacs…
I just hurt, and am angry as i am at work. No place for a two-sie, you can see. Little refreshing twats…